The Rain
by load my soul
Summary: Days like these are a total waste of my life... It's a oneshot about Kyo's drifting thoughts as he hears the pitter patter of rain on the roof.


Hello all! Thank you SO much for clicking on this (even if you did it by accident!) I hope you like it! O.o; Oh yeah, I don't know Kyo's father's name, so I just called him "Shinichiro"… The story is also in Kyo's POV.

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_"Days like these are a Waste of my life"__

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_Sometimes, I feel like a child. Everyone knows I'm pissed off, just by the way I stomped up the damn stairs. And since my feet didn't slam up the stairs as usual, they know I'm tired now, too. Shigure noticed, I can hear him from up here, singing, 

**_"Kyo's tired. He didn't stomp up the stairs as usual! Aaah Peace and quiet!" _**

I guess I'm a distraction. Oh well. I suppose he's happy now. I'm not going to bother him anymore. I'm not going to bother anyone anymore, at least not today. I'm going to bed. I'm tired, and it's all because of the damn rain. Fuck the droplets of water that fall to the ground. Fuck that damn rat! Fuck Akito. Fuck them! I hate them… Damn, stupid, fucking bet…

The bet. I know I'm not going to win. I'll never win. It's futile, isn't it? Does that damn rat even know about it? And if he does, why won't he let me win? Wait… If Akito made a bet with me, that probably means that he made a bet with that damn rat too. I'll never win. I'm not good enough. I'm just the cat. I'm nothing special. I'm not even included in the zodiac. And I never will be. Tohru knows it, Yuki knows it, I know it. Everyone knows it. Even **Shishou** knows it. I'm a failure at everything I fucking do.

Why doesn't Akito just kill me now? I'm sure he wants to. And Shinichiro wants me locked up… He wants me to die. Like mom did. He wants to push me over the edge, like I pushed her. Was I that unbearable? Why am I weeping…? It's in the past. Even if I keep telling myself that, I know it will never **feel** true. It's not in the past. It's still a matter of today. I feel so disgusted with myself.

I know that I was the one who should've died. She should've strangled the life out of me when she still had the chance. She could've been happier. Happier with dad. Shinichiro, that man who wants me in confinement…

I'm supposed to be falling asleep right about now. I'm in bed, with my eye closed. But nothing's happening. Why aren't I drifting off…? I guess I'm thinking too much… Days like these are a total waste of my life… It's 3:30 pm, and I'm in bed already.

…Someone's here. The gentle voice… the polite speech… Shishou's here. And he's coming up the stairs… I've let him down too. So many times, he's held me, consoled me, and he's taken care of me when I got sick… and I've denied him so many times. I've yelled at him, yelled that he wasn't my father… I've screamed it so many times in my life. And he's always acted like nothing happened. He's always continued being my father… I can hear his footsteps creeping closer. He thinks I'm asleep. He pulls up my covers and brushes some hair away from my eyes, and even though I can't see, I can tell he's smiling as he leaves the room. He really does love me like I was his son. And I love him like he was my father… no… I love him because he **is** my father. Even though it's not biological, he's still the one who raised me. Who kept me safe, who taught me things, how to fight, how to love… he taught me that people **can** love me. He taught me that I wasn't a monster. Even though I forget it sometimes…

Someone else is here. I can hear them screaming… it can't be… could it?

...Shinichiro is **here**!...

"Kyo will not go with you."

"Fuck yeah, he will, Kazuma-dono! He's a monster!" I stiffen at the word. **Monster**. "How can **you** **love** something like that… that… **CREATURE**!" I can hear Shinichiro going on about how I'm such a monster. And that I killed mom. And that I'm going to rot in that cage forever… I can hear his footsteps go up the stairs… I'm trying to move… and I can't… He just barely gets in the door, and I sit up and see him. He looks like an old man, his cheeks are sunken in… his eyes are wide, and unblinking, as are mine. I see him, and he sees me. It's the first time we've seen each other in years. "You monster! You killed my wife! You'll die in that cage! You'll rot in fucking hell for what you did! You don't even care! You've **never** cared!" How… can he say that? I care… I do… "You didn't even cry! You monster! You killed her!" I can't take much more… but Shishou is dragging him away… and I think Shigure called the police…

I feel the back of my eyes prickle. I… can't let Yuki or Tohru see me when I'm looking so weak, but I guess I can't help it, I feel the warm trails of liquid trail down my face. I can hear Tohru call my name, but I suppose I tuned her out… along with that damn rat. Why is he still staring at me like that? I guess it's because Shinichiro is still screaming at me… Yelling about the cage.

I just realized.

I have **less than a year left**.

"Rat boy, tomorrow. We fight." He looks at me, but I don't care. I'm just thanking god that Shinichiro is gone. And I hear Shishou run up the stairs, he kneels by me, and sees the tearstains that are down my cheeks, and he pulls me into an embrace.

_"Somehow, I'll keep them from taking you."_ He doesn't say it, but I can hear it. As much as I fight it off, I can't help crying.

And he sits there...

Holding me as I cry just like a child.

...

Without any shame whatsoever.

…

I have to grow up. I have to get stronger. I have to be the kind of son that Shishou can be proud of.


End file.
